Bureaucratic Excuse

A few housekeeping items before my random thought of the morning:

1. I was testing the waters with the school stories and I appreciate the feedback I've gotten. I will write more, a lot more, actually, but not until after I'm finished with the LSAT and applications. So, if you've been waiting, settle in, relax, and do something else for the next month.

2. A Nebraska man sued God yesterday, citing his failure to stop egregious flooding. When asked how the county would serve God his papers, the man replied with something like, personal service is unnecessary because God is omnipotent; he knows he stands accused. I personally like it when people get all biblical and shit. Good job, Nebraska man! (Now hunker down because the rain sure ain't gonna stop now. . .).

3. Omaha steaks is having a giant sampler sale. 70 bucks for a months' worth of meat. If you like steak, pork chops and hotdogs, check out the website, and meat up.

And now, the bureaucratic excuse. I was assisting a gentleman who was helping his father get an application. During our conversation, the man let on that his father does not live in his home, but in a nursing home that is taking all of his pension and social security.

The problem, though, is this: we can't assist an empty house. Someone has to be living in it. After checking with my boss, I tell him to call his county office to see whether they will allow him to apply despite not residing there. The man is clearly unhappy.

He asks, "It IS income based, right?" Yes, sir. "And he makes $45 after the nursing home takes from his pension and social security. So he qualifies for your service, DOESN'T HE!"

When I explain, again, that I am uncertain if he can apply if he does not live in his home and that he'll have to ask the county for a definitive answer, he tells me, "Well, that just sounds like a bureaucratic excuse!" After a few more assurances on my part, he hangs up.

A few thoughts on this, geared toward getting the results you want:

1. Listen to what the person is saying, even if you think you won't like it. For the purposes of the conversation, they are the expert and you are the learner. You will learn more about the services provided, and, if you're smart, find loopholes in what they're telling you.

If dude had paid attention, he would have found a very easy and legal loophole, but he was too busy trying to take the man to task. Don't blame the "bureaucracy" or accuse the person of making excuses. Just listen, and try to understand.

2. Don't be rude or yell at the guy or gal on the phone. They are the ones who will be able to help you if help is available. This goes even if the guy or gal is rude to you first. If they are rude to you, just ask to speak to a supervisor.

You'll get nowhere by yelling. In fact, you'll actually be worse off because even if the person on the phone is rude to you first, they will note your belligerence on your file, which will follow you around in all your interactions with that company. That means they'll be less willing to bend to help you now and in the future. And that is the very least that will happen.

I hate to admit it, but not everyone is as nice as me and my coworkers here. While most people who work phones genuinely want to help, some are complete asses who wouldn't think twice about hitting the wrong key or trashing your file if you piss them off. Are there a lot of those types? No. Is there a chance you could talk to one? Yes, and I'm playing the odds of not pissing off the guy with my social security and bank account numbers on his screen.

So before you ask for a supervisor, check yourself. Are you being an ass? Are YOU being rude? The person on the other end of the phone is human, too, and just like you, they don't want to help a jerk. If you're being a jerk, don't expect help. Someone spread a rumor about fifteen years ago, something about a customer always being right. They were lying. If you yell, you automatically become the asshole, even if you have cause.

3. Be honest. Don't try to lie about your situation or qualifications. If yelling MIGHT get you blackballed, lying will definitely get you hosed for life. If you have a complicated situation, explain it. Or, if you're not comfortable explaining it over the phone, ask how you could meet with someone in person.

But don't lie. Don't say you live somewhere when you don't. Don't say you're the account holder when you're not. Don't lie about how much you make or how many kids you have. This is common sense, but even a little nonsense makes your situation grave. Just be honest.