Envy

I'm so jealous of these guys.

Blue moon in your eye

Remember the opening sequence of The Sopranos? Remember the part where Tony get a tollway ticket and the New Jersey Turnpike? Well, for about 30 minutes today, that was me. Woke up this mornin'. . .

Then I got stranded in not one, but TWO total shitholes. Thanks for the good times, Newark and Milwaukee!

single speed schenanigans

I like to ride my bike to work. And like most people, I'd like to take the most direct route to get there. Unfortunately, the most direct route looks something like this.


Well, ok. I don't have to deal with 6 lanes of 70 mph traffic whizzing by me, but suffice to say that the roads that would get me to work quickest could just as quickly lead to my demise. This would be a bummer, since it would mean not finding out why Jack wants to go back to the island when Lost starts up again in January.

So I take the round-about way to work. Over hills, through residential neighborhoods, on the shoulder of county roads, even a little bit of bike trail at the end. And I do all of it on a single speed. Try to focus on the rear wheel and not the antique beauty of the rest of that beast. The rear wheel's the thing here.
Most bikes come with gears so you can make it harder or easier to pedal. Harder for flat streets and downhills, easier for uphills. Gears, though, let your legs get lazy. After all, you're trying to make it so you don't have to change how fast you pedal, no matter the terrain. And that takes some of the sport out of it, no?

Well, the single speed puts the sport back in. Going up a hill with a single speed bike? You better pedal harder on the approach and be ready to stand up and really honk on it if you plan on getting over the hill. Riding on flat ground? Turn those legs over faster! Downhill? Take a break. You deserve it. After riding single speed for a couple weeks, most hills on my ride became a kind of fun challenge, rather than an excruciating reminder of the gears I used to ride. I found muscles in my thighs that I had forgotten were there.

I really want to keep riding to work a few days a week throughout the winter, and that's where a single speed will be an ACTUAL benefit. Gears can get mucked up with ice and snow--SEIZE. Cables can becomes frozen or rusted to their housings--SEIZE. A single speed has one gear and no shifter cables--less stuff to get mucked up. Yay.

the big chill (not a reference to the crappy movie)

So I ride my bike to work a couple times or so a week. Yesterday and today have been blissful--45 degress with a light mist. I like.

But on Monday, it was about 24 degrees and threatening snow. It sucked like a . . .(eh, I'm too tired to fill in the blank. Insert your own dirty simile).

The temperature wasn't the only thing, though. I was also severely under-dressed for the weather. At first glance, I would have looked warm--thermal tights, moisture-wicking shirt under goretex jacket, balaclava, stretchy gloves under my bike gloves. All set, right?

Right. Except that when you bike, you create an artificial windchill for yourself. So it isn't just a chilly 24 degrees anymore. It feels like 11.3 degrees!

Boo. Now I've got an emergency pair of gloves in my pannier. Be prepared.

ever wondered what's in the sausage?

I ate homemade biscuits and gravy tonight. With peas.

Earlier today, while Sig Oth and I were making a brown ale (birth date: 12/16/2008. Be there or be square), we were also trying to make bread. The dough didn't rise, though, and basically turned into a really big biscuit. Crap. Or so I thought. . .

I've been wanting to make homemade sausage for a while, but I haven't wanted to go through the hassle of finding casings and stuffing them. Plus, I wasn't really sure of the spice mix (sage and . . .sage?. I know the internet could make the process clearer, but I was having a lazy moment.

Here's what I ended up doing. I went to the store to see if there was any pork shoulder roast on sale. For those of you familiar with my adventures in slow cooking, you'll remember that a good day for me starts with a hideous-looking chunk of sinew, bone and pink meat. Tonight, though, no luck; pork shoulder roasts nowhere to be found. There was, however, country-style, boneless pork ribs on sale for $1.99/lb. I grabbed 2.5 pounds and headed back to the Mredison Family Compound and Estate.

So. . .sausage, right? Chop 1/4 onion and like 6 cloves of garlic. Cube the pork, put it in the food processor, and pulse 8 times. By the by, your food processor needs to be industrial as shit, or you'll end up with something between smashed pork cubes and a kitchen fire, if you do a good job of burning out your motor. Then. . .

Add some of the onion and garlic. Pulse three times. Add your spices. For my spice blend, I had salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom, Herbes de Provence, basil, thyme, and oregano. There was no scientific process at work here; just go super easy on the cinnamon, nutmeg, and cardamom. Pulse five more times. You know you've used enough when you can see the spices visibly intertwined with the meat, onion and garlic.

I didn't have casings, didn't wanna get casings, didn't wanna stuff sausages. So I fried up patties. This sausage is lean--no added fat--so I used a little butter and oil blend in the pan.

Putting it all together: take a slice of the biscuit bread, put the patties on top of it, pour some gravy on it (you can use a jar, a mix, or do it old school and make it yourself with pan drippings, flour and cream with lots of black pepper), and sprinkle peas on top.

This was the shizzle. I loved it. And for under $6 worth of supplies, you can too.

i get older. they stay the same age

I started seeing signs of my approaching 1/4 life crisis this week. Two things that tipped me off:

1) I've started cutting my hair to accommodate my receding hairline.

If I grow it out, it looks like I'm trying to cover up the gaps. If I bic'd it down, my Sig Oth would think I've reconsidered joining the Navy. Kind of a darned if you do, darned if you don't sort of situation.

But I look at it like this: If my hairline is receding and it looks bad to grow it out, why NOT buzz it down, leave just a little fuzz for the Sig Oth to rub, and call it a day? Makes showering a breeze. That's the route I've taken, but I do miss my hairline, which once looked something like this.


2) The things I want for Christmas are TOTALLY LAME!!!

The other day, I was walking through a hotel lobby, and I thought to myself: Man, it would be sweet to get a $200 gift certificate to Kohl's. I could get socks, nice ties, some of those grey slacks like the ones I accidentally left in that hotel in Oklahoma. . ., maybe a suit if it's onsale.

Then the part of my brain that actually thinks kicked in and rang the alarm: LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!! I resolved to think of better things, but. . .

Here's my list so far: Kohl's gift certificate, a new suit (since I melted my old one in the dryer--FYI, Dry Clean Only is a care instruction that merits your full attention), some sweet luggage, snowshoes, a backpack for hiking, some warm socks, winter boots.

See the pattern? Lame stuff that I would normally buy myself, but I'm too lazy/cheap to go out and get right now.


One redeeming thing about hitting my mid-twenties is that I've played enough guitar at this point to really appreciate Heavy Metal

And Beavis and Butthead is even funnier than when I watched it in 6th grade. Sigh. . .back to work.

Tightwad

So, I've become a total cheapa$$ in the last year or so. I just found out today, to my complete delight, that because the company I work for has service through Verizon, I'm eligible for an 8% discount on my personal phone bill from them.

Check with your employer to see if you can knock a little off your tab.

Best Shoe Store Ever

If you need boots, go to this store: http://theshoebox.com/

I went there with Kate to make her inaugural foray into bar-sluttery: Ugg boots.

There were more shoes, boots, sandals, moccasins, etc.than I've ever seen in one place. Amazing. They even stocked these

Yes, those are really that big.

I'm back

Yeah, things have slowed down at work. Plus, Twitter is sometimes too character-restrictive.

Tom Cruise was right about Matt Lauer

"Matt, you're glib!" --Tom Cruise to Matt Lauer

Today on the Today show, there was a segment on vaccinations and autism. NBC's health correspondent interviewed several docs who indicated that there were 16 studies showing no causal relationship.

Here's Matt:

"So, there's no casual relationship?"

"No, no, CAUSAL, Matt. There's no causal relationship."

"So if there's no causal relationship, why doesn't this debate go away?"

At this point, the health correspondent explains that she and the doctors she interviewed for this piece have been physically confronted by parents who are part of the no-vaccines-for-dis-baby fringe.

Matt was incredulous.

"You mean VERBALLY confronted?"

"No, Matt. Physically."

"Wow, controversial issue. Thanks..--"

"No, Matt. This is not a controversial issue. There is no controversy. 16 studies show that there is no truth to the idea that vaccines cause autism. We need to change the focus from vaccines to the causes of autism. There is no controversy."

I thought this was a very sensible retort. I mean, why give validate the wacky claims of the fringe by implying that disagreeing with reality is cause for controversy. See the 911-truthers who call in daily to WPR shows on a variety of topics just to slip in the phrase "That was an inside job" before the host cuts them off.

Here's Matt again:

"Well, it is a controversial issue. Otherwise, people wouldn't be physically confronting you."


I'll spare my fingers the work of extrapolating this mindset to genocides of the 20th century. Tom was right, but he didn't go far enough. Matt Lauer is an f-ing idiot.

Keep it real

I have a buddy who's covered the better part of the east and west coasts by bicycle. I know that he's been advised by several friends and family to pack a gun, just in case.

But sometimes, a gun just won't do.