Think back to the first time you and your friends tried mixing all the sodas in the pop fountain. You watched each different fizz cascade into the 64 oz. Big Gulp, mesmerized as the cola-colored puddle metamorphosed into a rust-colored, guaranteed gut-buster of a beverage. You thought to yourself, "Is this a good idea?"

And if you're anything like me, you said, "What the hell," and took a sip and even as you felt your Cheetoes and chocolate milk crawling back up your throat (with just a hint of Dr. Pepper), you swore to all your friends--you swore to God--that it was the "best thing ever made, try it, you gotta try it, just try it." And in the end, after fighting back your lunch, you decided it wasn't really that bad. And you took another sip.

That's what life is like in mredison's neighborhood. Welcome.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Rules of Order

I've already deviated from the habits and routines that get me safely through my morning. Here are the ones I've bonked already:

1. Pack lunch the night before and have it waiting in a plastic shopping bag to grab and take to work. Skipped that, then I was off to a slow start.

2. Check tire pressure and fill up if necessary. Didn't do it, and I can feel each rough edge of the rock salt scattered on the sidewalks. If my tire pressure gets any lower, I'll be rocking on the rims. Not good.

3. Shower at work, not at home. This is my stank-avoidance technique and it's worked like a charm. But the prospect of another cold shower at work made me stagger into my sauna-like bathroom to enjoy some warm water for a change.

The result: I arrive at work a sweaty, stinky mess and take what George Carlin impolitely calls a "hooker's bath." Not quite as stank-defying.

4. Avoid discussing religion and politics at work. This is a biggy. Some will tell you that you're allowed to speak your mind to your coworkers. True.

The same people will insist that speaking your mind is "just a discussion" and shouldn't offend anybody or set you up for a stone-cold shunning if your views are unpopular among, say, the mega-church going; flag-worshipping; mall-walking set. False. Very false.

I just told a co-worker my views on the Pledge of Allegiance and coerced vows of loyalty. Oops. Shunned.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)