The CE

New job, new adventures. I work for a non-profit that helps people pay their utility bills during the winter. This is a pretty big help, considering that lows in the winter get to about -40 with the chill. No power or heat and the kids could die.

I'm a scheduler / preliminary screener. I ask five questions and give them a spot on the calendar. Also, I am sort of like a bartender in that I perform the unspoken but completely expected duty of listening to people's woes. Some woes are really really intense, and I don't want to get in to them right now.

But I do want to talk about a co-worker. We have a compulsive exaggerator (CE) in our midst. My first day at the office was spent shadowing the receptionists, listening to them handle callers and memorizing the script (five questions. . .). One of the receptionists left for a smoke break and came back giddy.

"Oh my god! That bike out back--the green one--it has like three boxes of ky jelly in the basket!"

You've already guessed that the green bike was the Green Speedster, but you're probably puzzled about the KY. Well, last week I worked on State St. at a bookstore. I parked my bike outside a Walgreens and sometime during the day last Friday, someone tossed a KY Jelly box--not the jelly, just the box--into my basket. I thought a couple of things, but my overwhelming urge was to laugh and keep it there as a reminder of the absurdity of people. So I did.

But the CE came running back in and make the above-mentioned loud proclamation for the entire front desk staff and lobby area to hear. S-eating grin on my face, I stood up and said, "I knew there was one in there, but I have no idea about the other two. Excuse me for a second."

There was only one box in the basket, and it was the same character-adding box I had decided to leave in there.

I left work late. Since I biked in, I had to change from work clothes to bike clothes and use the facilities and whatnot, and I rolled out at ten after five. As I walked toward the front door, I noticed five or so people in a meeting that appeared to be wrapping up.

I unlock the front doors and let myself out. As I walk toward my bike, I notice that someone from the meeting got up and re-locked the front doors.

The following day, the first thing my supervisor says to me is: "Did you leave the office at ten at night and leave the doors unlocked?"

I must have had a look on my face like she was taking a dump on the floor because she quickly added, "Because the girls at the front desk said you left really late and left the door unlocked when nobody was here. I didn't think you would do that, but. . ."

Even for a tall tale, leaving at 10 at night on my first day of work when my job cannot possibly be done past 5 makes no sense. Someone seeing me unlock the doors when no one was here makes no sense. But somehow I think it made sense for her. After all, she's a CE.